Tuesday, July 12, 2011

1997... a year of gains and losses... (Part 3)

My Mom and I arrived at the hospital early in the morning on September 19th, 1997.  My best friend was also going to be present for the birth of my son, this had to be the scariest day of my life.  Not only was I going to be cut open, I was going to be a Mom.  I was given an needle in my spine, I have never seen the size of the needle they put in there but I hear it's pretty big and scary so I am glad they didn't show me.  This needle caused total loss of control and feeling from my chest to my toes... the doc asked me to move my legs and I couldn't... someone had to pick them up and move them.  I was strapped to a gurney with both arms straight out on either side of me... the reason I was strapped down was so I didn't move since I was awake for the surgery, they placed a sheet across my chest so I couldn't see what they were doing which was a little nerve wracking since I couldn't see or feel anything they were doing.  I kept having to ask my Mom if he was out yet and she would keep looking around the sheet and back at me saying he wasn't yet.

Then I heard the most beautiful sound that I have ever heard in my life, my baby boy crying... he was out of my belly and not very happy about it.  I cried when I heard him crying and wanted to see him right away.  They checked him out and wrapped him up before bringing him over to me, I wasn't able to hold him because they were still stitching me up and I couldn't move, so all I could do was look at him while my Mom held him in front of me... he was beautiful and I could not wait to give him his name.  I had decided on his name very soon after I found out I was pregnant with a boy.  I wanted to give him a name that honoured a very special man that I have ever had the pleasure of having in my life, so I named him David, after my Dad.  I also wanted to honour my brothers so I added their middle names, Brian and Scott, Brian was also my Dad's middle name and the name he was called by his family.  Most importantly, I wanted my son to carry on the Olszowiec name so he was given this as well... so my new little man's name was David Brian Scott Olszowiec, a little person with a big name who already meant so much in his first few minutes of life.

The year wasn't quite over yet... I had one more loss that I had to deal with.  I came home with my baby and while most people have the pleasure of motherhood coming naturally to them, there are the select few where that does not come naturally and I was one of them.  Keeping in mind, I was just 18 years old with a brand new baby... I now know it's normal to not have those motherly instincts right away but some people sure made me feel like I wasn't doing a very good job.  Mom and her boyfriend had sold her house and were all set to go to Manitoba, she asked a couple times over the course of David's first two weeks if I wanted to come with her and I still declined the invitation... I couldn't bare to leave my life behind in Enfield.  So, she packed up and left when David was just two weeks old, watching her drive away was almost as hard as saying good bye to my Dad and alot of people judged her for doing such a horrible thing to me (insert sarcasm here).  I was sad for a couple days, but come hell or high water I was going to be a Mom to this little boy and I was going to be the best Mom I could be and believe it or not, I wasn't really that worried that my Mom wasn't around in body because I could always feel that her spirit was with me and David.  As it turns out, I think it was the best thing she ever did for me.

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