Friday, August 16, 2013

Positive Transitions

Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Challenge Blog Carnival: Week #6 – Developing Positive Self-Talk
This post was written for inclusion in the 10 Week Peaceful Parenting Challenge Blog Carnival hosted by Prenatal to Parenting. This week our participants have written about Developing Positive Self-Talk. We hope you enjoy this week’s posts and consider joining us next week when we share about a week of Watching Our Language.

Well this week I returned to work and since I am a child protection social worker who has been off on maternity leave for 14 months, I definitely needed more positive self talk, which is what this week's challenge was about.  You know that little annoying voice in your head that runs a commentary for everything you do in your life?  The one that is not always positive and can sometimes be negative, bringing you down.  The more you change this commentary to positive, the better things will get.  Try it!  It can be something as simple as looking in the mirror in the morning and instead of thinking about what you hate about yourself, tell yourself how beautiful you are.  Every morning I have woken up early enough to have 15 minutes to sit and listen to some positive affirmations and meditate.  This has definitely supported my transition back to work in a healthy way.

The transition so far has not been as difficult as I had anticipated.  Leaving Hunter at home with Daddy sure makes things easier on me, knowing Hunter is with one of his favorite peeps who has the same parenting style as me makes me worry less about him for sure.  The drive to work has been good, it is still summer traffic so it seems to be better than when September hits and kids go back to school.  I am back to enjoying my morning show on the radio and giggling at the conversations.  I had a couple of boxes of stuff that I had stored over the last 14 months so I was able to get an office, unpack my stuff and make it my own space again; organized and comfortable with soft lighting.  It is important to make your space comfortable, especially since you spend so much time there.  My computer and phone was set up, got a new work cell phone.  Everything has been falling into place, I am taking over another social worker's caseload and she is easing me into it with a couple transfer meetings per day to introduce me to her families.  Things have been going good, I still feel like my knowledge that I accumulated prior to going on a leave is all jumbled up in my head somewhere and has to come out in order for me to do my job to the standard that I hold for myself.  It is not easy work and it requires organization, patience, time management, self care, compassion, empathy, assertiveness and knowledge.  I feel like the first seven skills required are a given and I have them at the ready when needed... it's the knowledge that I know I have but like I said, I am having a hard time bringing it back.  

So, I have been gentle with myself and allowing myself the time needed for it to come back, I cannot expect it to be back the first week I go to work.  Thus, positive self talk has been coming quite in handy this week.  I have done this before, I have done it well and I can do it well again.  I WILL do it well.  I know what I am doing, I have to give it time and it will all come back.

Emotions can cause you think negatively about your parenting skills; I remember when David was young, I was also young and people around me inadvertantly (or at times advertantly) made me feel like I was a bad mom, so I remember constantly feeling guilty because I was a bad mom. My age and maturity level did not allow me to process criticism as a positive thing or the people that criticized me didn't know how to do it positively, either way it was a challenge. Truth is, I was the best mom I knew how to be given the circumstances I was in and other people's judgements are their own.  It took me a long time to learn this important lesson. Some people felt that I should know what to do I guess and I really didn't. I had to learn how to be a mother and for alot of people, this does not come naturally to them so I had to learn that this is ok. Learning positive self talk back then would have helped me take the criticisms better, fight away the guilt and would have supported me in a much better way while I learned how to care for my boy as we grew up together.

Being a full time working mom can be daunting but for me working all day has made me appreciate the shorter amount of time I have with my kids in the evening and want to make sure the time spent with them is quality time. A positive short time with them is better than a long negative time any day.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Affirmations– Sarah from Prenatal to Parenting turns anger into Peaceful Parenting Affirmations for herself.
Week #6- developing Positive Self Talk– Jennifer from Children’s Directory says yes every day for a year.
Positive Self Talk – Peaceful Parenting Challenge – Week 6 - Katrina from Kalem Photography has been developing positive self-talk for about 30 years.
Positive Self-Talk – Ricky from Daddy Blogger is feeling more comfortable with this week’s challenge.
Week 6 - Positive Self Talk– Amanda from Sticky Hands practices positive self-talk out loud for the benefit of her most important audience.
Peaceful Parenting: Week 6 - I am NOT an Independent Woman ... and that is okay.-Kathryn from Curiosity and the Kat reminds herself it’s ok to ask for help.
I am a good mother – Michelle from My Peaceful Parenting praises herself when she doesn’t lose it.

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